The candidate now asserts that whales are both yummy and good for the environment.

"I'm the cetacean-friendly candidate! Our new position, which is the same as our old position, which hasn't changed since it was last modified, is that whales are good for people and the environment," the candidate told a major cable news network (no, not that one, the other one).

"Unfortunately, I've been misrepresented on this issue, and I have decided to save the whales for my second term," the candidate added.

Confused? You won't be after the candidate is elected and really starts to take care of those whales.